Axl Rose and Ben Stiller

It is unbelievably better knowing Axl Rose and Ben Stiller are bi-polar too...Actually it makes a lot of sense to me...

I have just graduated from the LICH Partial...

Now I move into another stage of the treatment, Outpatient Services with some Abilify in my medicine cabinet, getting off risperadol for the first time in a few years because of the side effects...The groups at LICH did little for me except add a bit of routine...I didn't really relate to a lot of the people there, though I felt that I gained a bit of perspective from my therapist intern, Marv...Yeah, he said I gotta emphasize the positive and other ra-ra stuff like that...We talked about relationships. He told me I was making friends and I asked him his definition of friends...I told him I had a hard time for several years cleaning out my closets of "friends"...I am finally at a place in life that I feel free of old relationships and attachments to so many people and old times...I had been talking to my buddy Ed 'cuz he is an older actor and out of work a lot with a lot of the same problems and I relate to him...I was telling him that as a kid I thought life was writing a list of stuff you wanted to accomplish before you died and I would check things off on the list as I accomplished them, but since I graduated from college and jumped out of a plane, I do not think the checklist means anything without relationships. That's what's important. It's not about getting through all the hardships or breezing through life with no worries...It all boils down to the relationships you have when you look back on it all...

It's funny the little stresses that you have to deal with in everyday life...I've been in a Paypal dispute over an Ebay listing that was titled and listed incorrectly...She had only sent word of the change an hour before the listing ended on a 7-day listing. I was under the impression that I was paying for the item when she gave me a low price after the auction was over and I had retracted my bid...The seller took my money with S/H and that was it...I never got the item, turns out she charged me for the listing which was her mistake in the first place...Bluetooth and USB are not the same thing...Paypal ruled in my favor...What was that about? We were in an email war and I was tired of fighting with her, so Paypal took over for me...That was good...It's not about the money, it was about the feedback thing...

Anyways, LICH is over thankfully...they would show the same stress management video over and over in my last week due to a shortage in staff, I think, and I was a bit disturbed that they would show us "Radio". We colored in xeroxed coloring book drawings an awful lot, though I admit that the collage stuff, cutting stuff out of magazines was fun sometimes...Not to be disrespectful, but I am not mentally impaired, I just have a chemical imbalance...That's the thing about these kind of programs, the levels of illness are all different in different people...At my "graduation", one of the therapists said that people really did want to be around me and when I didn't show up, they would ask about me, that I took a leadership role in projects and stuff...My psychiatrist ruled out schizophrenia, and schizoaffective, and diagnosed me as bi-polar.

the difference between schizoaffective and bipolar disorder

I was told by my doctor the difference between schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder today. The short of it is that with schizoaffective disorder, psychotic symptoms may happen independently of mood symptoms. I sound more bi-polar, so I have been trying to learn more about my illness. A good resource is the national institute of mental health...

What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.

Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:

• Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
• Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
• Extreme irritability
• Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
• Distractibility, can't concentrate well
• Little sleep needed
• Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
• Poor judgment
• Spending sprees
• A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
• Increased sexual drive
• Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
• Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
• Denial that anything is wrong

A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.

Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:

• Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
• Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Restlessness or irritability
• Sleeping too much, or can't sleep
• Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain
• Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

A depressive episode is diagnosed if five or more of these symptoms last most of the day, nearly every day, for a period of 2 weeks or longer.

A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania. Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it and may even be associated with good functioning and enhanced productivity. Thus even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings as possible bipolar disorder, the person may deny that anything is wrong. Without proper treatment, however, hypomania can become severe mania in some people or can switch into depression.

Sometimes, severe episodes of mania or depression include symptoms of psychosis (or psychotic symptoms). Common psychotic symptoms are hallucinations (hearing, seeing, or otherwise sensing the presence of things not actually there) and delusions (false, strongly held beliefs not influenced by logical reasoning or explained by a person's usual cultural concepts). Psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder tend to reflect the extreme mood state at the time. For example, delusions of grandiosity, such as believing one is the President or has special powers or wealth, may occur during mania; delusions of guilt or worthlessness, such as believing that one is ruined and penniless or has committed some terrible crime, may appear during depression. People with bipolar disorder who have these symptoms are sometimes incorrectly diagnosed as having schizophrenia, another severe mental illness.

It may be helpful to think of the various mood states in bipolar disorder as a spectrum or continuous range. At one end is severe depression, above which is moderate depression and then mild low mood, which many people call "the blues" when it is short-lived but is termed "dysthymia" when it is chronic. Then there is normal or balanced mood, above which comes hypomania (mild to moderate mania), and then severe mania.

In some people, however, symptoms of mania and depression may occur together in what is called a mixed bipolar state. Symptoms of a mixed state often include agitation, trouble sleeping, significant change in appetite, psychosis, and suicidal thinking. A person may have a very sad, hopeless mood while at the same time feeling extremely energized.

Bipolar disorder may appear to be a problem other than mental illness—for instance, alcohol or drug abuse, poor school or work performance, or strained interpersonal relationships. Such problems in fact may be signs of an underlying mood disorder.

Diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder

Like other mental illnesses, bipolar disorder cannot yet be identified physiologically—for example, through a blood test or a brain scan. Therefore, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder is made on the basis of symptoms, course of illness, and, when available, family history. The diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder are described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV).³

Descriptions offered by people with bipolar disorder give valuable insights into the various mood states associated with the illness:

Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless…. [I am] haunt[ed]… with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all…. Others say, "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but of course they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?

Hypomania: At first when I'm high, it's tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes.

Mania: The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.

What Is the Course of Bipolar Disorder?

Episodes of mania and depression typically recur across the life span. Between episodes, most people with bipolar disorder are free of symptoms, but as many as one-third of people have some residual symptoms. A small percentage of people experience chronic unremitting symptoms despite treatment.⁴

The classic form of the illness, which involves recurrent episodes of mania and depression, is called bipolar I disorder. Some people, however, never develop severe mania but instead experience milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with depression; this form of the illness is called bipolar II disorder. When four or more episodes of illness occur within a 12-month period, a person is said to have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. Some people experience multiple episodes within a single week, or even within a single day. Rapid cycling tends to develop later in the course of illness and is more common among women than among men.

People with bipolar disorder can lead healthy and productive lives when the illness is effectively treated (see below—"How Is Bipolar Disorder Treated?"). Without treatment, however, the natural course of bipolar disorder tends to worsen. Over time a person may suffer more frequent (more rapid-cycling) and more severe manic and depressive episodes than those experienced when the illness first appeared.⁵ But in most cases, proper treatment can help reduce the frequency and severity of episodes and can help people with bipolar disorder maintain good quality of life.

What Causes Bipolar Disorder?

Scientists are learning about the possible causes of bipolar disorder through several kinds of studies. Most scientists now agree that there is no single cause for bipolar disorder—rather, many factors act together to produce the illness.

Because bipolar disorder tends to run in families, researchers have been searching for specific genes—the microscopic "building blocks" of DNA inside all cells that influence how the body and mind work and grow—passed down through generations that may increase a person's chance of developing the illness. But genes are not the whole story. Studies of identical twins, who share all the same genes, indicate that both genes and other factors play a role in bipolar disorder. If bipolar disorder were caused entirely by genes, then the identical twin of someone with the illness would always develop the illness, and research has shown that this is not the case. But if one twin has bipolar disorder, the other twin is more likely to develop the illness than is another sibling.⁷

In addition, findings from gene research suggest that bipolar disorder, like other mental illnesses, does not occur because of a single gene.⁸ It appears likely that many different genes act together, and in combination with other factors of the person or the person's environment, to cause bipolar disorder. Finding these genes, each of which contributes only a small amount toward the vulnerability to bipolar disorder, has been extremely difficult. But scientists expect that the advanced research tools now being used will lead to these discoveries and to new and better treatments for bipolar disorder.

Brain-imaging studies are helping scientists learn what goes wrong in the brain to produce bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses.^9,10 New brain-imaging techniques allow researchers to take pictures of the living brain at work, to examine its structure and activity, without the need for surgery or other invasive procedures. These techniques include magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), positron emission tomography (PET), and functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). There is evidence from imaging studies that the brains of people with bipolar disorder may differ from the brains of healthy individuals. As the differences are more clearly identified and defined through research, scientists will gain a better understanding of the underlying causes of the illness, and eventually may be able to predict which types of treatment will work most effectively.

How Is Bipolar Disorder Treated?

Most people with bipolar disorder—even those with the most severe forms—can achieve substantial stabilization of their mood swings and related symptoms with proper treatment.^11,12,13 Because bipolar disorder is a recurrent illness, long-term preventive treatment is strongly recommended and almost always indicated. A strategy that combines medication and psychosocial treatment is optimal for managing the disorder over time.

In most cases, bipolar disorder is much better controlled if treatment is continuous than if it is on and off. But even when there are no breaks in treatment, mood changes can occur and should be reported immediately to your doctor. The doctor may be able to prevent a full-blown episode by making adjustments to the treatment plan. Working closely with the doctor and communicating openly about treatment concerns and options can make a difference in treatment effectiveness.

In addition, keeping a chart of daily mood symptoms, treatments, sleep patterns, and life events may help people with bipolar disorder and their families to better understand the illness. This chart also can help the doctor track and treat the illness most effectively.

Medications

Medications for bipolar disorder are prescribed by psychiatrists—medical doctors (M.D.) with expertise in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. While primary care physicians who do not specialize in psychiatry also may prescribe these medications, it is recommended that people with bipolar disorder see a psychiatrist for treatment.

Medications known as "mood stabilizers" usually are prescribed to help control bipolar disorder.¹¹ Several different types of mood stabilizers are available. In general, people with bipolar disorder continue treatment with mood stabilizers for extended periods of time (years). Other medications are added when necessary, typically for shorter periods, to treat episodes of mania or depression that break through despite the mood stabilizer.

• Lithium, the first mood-stabilizing medication approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treatment of mania, is often very effective in controlling mania and preventing the recurrence of both manic and depressive episodes.
• Anticonvulsant medications, such as valproate (Depakote^®) or carbamazepine (Tegretol^®), also can have mood-stabilizing effects and may be especially useful for difficult-to-treat bipolar episodes. Valproate was FDA-approved in 1995 for treatment of mania.
• Newer anticonvulsant medications, including lamotrigine (Lamictal^®), gabapentin (Neurontin^®), and topiramate (Topamax^®), are being studied to determine how well they work in stabilizing mood cycles.
• Anticonvulsant medications may be combined with lithium, or with each other, for maximum effect.
• Children and adolescents with bipolar disorder generally are treated with lithium, but valproate and carbamazepine also are used. Researchers are evaluating the safety and efficacy of these and other psychotropic medications in children and adolescents. There is some evidence that valproate may lead to adverse hormone changes in teenage girls and polycystic ovary syndrome in women who began taking the medication before age 20.¹⁴ Therefore, young female patients taking valproate should be monitored carefully by a physician.
• Women with bipolar disorder who wish to conceive, or who become pregnant, face special challenges due to the possible harmful effects of existing mood stabilizing medications on the developing fetus and the nursing infant.¹⁵ Therefore, the benefits and risks of all available treatment options should be discussed with a clinician skilled in this area. New treatments with reduced risks during pregnancy and lactation are under study.

Treatment of Bipolar Depression

Research has shown that people with bipolar disorder are at risk of switching into mania or hypomania, or of developing rapid cycling, during treatment with antidepressant medication.¹⁶ Therefore, "mood-stabilizing" medications generally are required, alone or in combination with antidepressants, to protect people with bipolar disorder from this switch. Lithium and valproate are the most commonly used mood-stabilizing drugs today. However, research studies continue to evaluate the potential mood-stabilizing effects of newer medications.

• Atypical antipsychotic medications, including clozapine (Clozaril^®), olanzapine (Zyprexa^®), risperidone (Risperdal^®), quetiapine (Seroquel^®), and ziprasidone (Geodon^®), are being studied as possible treatments for bipolar disorder. Evidence suggests clozapine may be helpful as a mood stabilizer for people who do not respond to lithium or anticonvulsants.¹⁷ Other research has supported the efficacy of olanzapine for acute mania, an indication that has recently received FDA approval.¹⁸ Olanzapine may also help relieve psychotic depression.¹⁹
• If insomnia is a problem, a high-potency benzodiazepine medication such as clonazepam (Klonopin^®) or lorazepam (Ativan^®) may be helpful to promote better sleep. However, since these medications may be habit-forming, they are best prescribed on a short-term basis. Other types of sedative medications, such as zolpidem (Ambien^®), are sometimes used instead.
• Changes to the treatment plan may be needed at various times during the course of bipolar disorder to manage the illness most effectively. A psychiatrist should guide any changes in type or dose of medication.
• Be sure to tell the psychiatrist about all other prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications, or natural supplements you may be taking. This is important because certain medications and supplements taken together may cause adverse reactions.
• To reduce the chance of relapse or of developing a new episode, it is important to stick to the treatment plan. Talk to your doctor if you have any concerns about the medications.

Psychosocial Treatments

As an addition to medication, psychosocial treatments—including certain forms of psychotherapy (or "talk" therapy)—are helpful in providing support, education, and guidance to people with bipolar disorder and their families. Studies have shown that psychosocial interventions can lead to increased mood stability, fewer hospitalizations, and improved functioning in several areas.¹³ A licensed psychologist, social worker, or counselor typically provides these therapies and often works together with the psychiatrist to monitor a patient's progress. The number, frequency, and type of sessions should be based on the treatment needs of each person.

Psychosocial interventions commonly used for bipolar disorder are cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoeducation, family therapy, and a newer technique, interpersonal and social rhythm therapy. NIMH researchers are studying how these interventions compare to one another when added to medication treatment for bipolar disorder.

• Cognitive behavioral therapy helps people with bipolar disorder learn to change inappropriate or negative thought patterns and behaviors associated with the illness.
• Psychoeducation involves teaching people with bipolar disorder about the illness and its treatment, and how to recognize signs of relapse so that early intervention can be sought before a full-blown illness episode occurs. Psychoeducation also may be helpful for family members.
• Family therapy uses strategies to reduce the level of distress within the family that may either contribute to or result from the ill person's symptoms.
• Interpersonal and social rhythm therapy helps people with bipolar disorder both to improve interpersonal relationships and to regularize their daily routines. Regular daily routines and sleep schedules may help protect against manic episodes.
• As with medication, it is important to follow the treatment plan for any psychosocial intervention to achieve the greatest benefit.

A Long-Term Illness That Can Be Effectively Treated

Even though episodes of mania and depression naturally come and go, it is important to understand that bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that currently has no cure. Staying on treatment, even during well times, can help keep the disease under control and reduce the chance of having recurrent, worsening episodes.

Do Other Illnesses Co-occur with Bipolar Disorder?

Alcohol and drug abuse are very common among people with bipolar disorder. Research findings suggest that many factors may contribute to these substance abuse problems, including self-medication of symptoms, mood symptoms either brought on or perpetuated by substance abuse, and risk factors that may influence the occurrence of both bipolar disorder and substance use disorders.²⁴ Treatment for co-occurring substance abuse, when present, is an important part of the overall treatment plan.

Anxiety disorders, such as post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, also may be common in people with bipolar disorder.^25,26 Co-occurring anxiety disorders may respond to the treatments used for bipolar disorder, or they may require separate treatment. For more information on anxiety disorders, contact NIMH (see below).

Gordon Parks

"I dream terrible dreams, terribly violent dreams," he said. "The doctors say it's because I suppressed so much anger and hatred from my youth. I bottled it up and used it constructively."

headpillz background

I had been living with bi-polar disorder and PTSD for a few years...It's not so bad, except for when I have to explain myself to my friends after I've isolated myself and become pre-occupied and distressed from stress, distracted in front of them....Basically I've had a life of non-self-inflicted drama and the stress gets the best of me...I live across the country from my family and try to stay away from "toxic" people now on purpose...The other part of having a chemical imbalance is all the treatment, not to mention the side effects of meds I have to go through...I have now been hospitalized several times...and I have been in a couple of programs, not to mention a few outpatient places...I am probably an expert now on the difference between all the hospitals...I've also met several interesting people...

In New York, I have been to two different hospitals. Beth Israel in Manhattan and South Beach in Staten Island. They couldn't be more different. South Beach was kind of a waystation for people, a place where a lot of cons go, or people with immigration problems, most who have no place to go to...I was released there after I got sent to Riker's for painting a clown on a fence in Brooklyn. (Four cop cars swarmed on me and then I got sent in for questioning...There were three or four cops asking me questions at first, they brought up a lot of taggers that I'd seen up but never met...I insisted that I don't tag and I only know muralists...These cops knew nothing about old school people...then they asked me about a certain crew...Unfortunately, I don't tell lies and it slipped out that I had dinner with them like six years ago...Then this really vicious cop came into the room and was mean, I mean mean...He asked me to name people, give up addresses, phone numbers...so I did the only thing that I could...I wrote down my name and address and phone number and gave up a few websites...He told me I would go to jail for a year for withholding information...I told the truth, and honestly those cops are like gangsters...I think they sent me to Riker's to "teach me a lesson"...All I did was paint a mural in a place covered with tags already...) My charges were dropped under the condition that I get medical attention. I ended up getting released to a forensic hospital first, where a cellmate from Riker's who was like 400 lbs. struck me with a heavy chair to the head like three times...I was just minding my own business, I didn't even flinch, and I think others around me were shocked by that...Then after that, I got stuck at South Beach for three months even though I was told I could be released in a couple of weeks because I had no place to go to. My ex-roommates had told me I could not come back to the apartment. I didn't call anyone. I needed a little vacation. See, my sister had just sent her kids on a plane to Seattle and left them with her sister-in-law's family. Her sister-in-law put them in social services and they went to foster homes. I was also dating someone who didn't want to date me anymore because I was too much drama. He wanted to watch American Idol, play his guitar, write songs and smoke pot, except he wasn't doing it, so he was miserable. I was ashamed of my family. When I got caught painting, I was just blowing off some steam painting a clown because that's how I felt, like a clown...Anyways, I couldn't leave the grounds of the hospital because I didn't have a place to go, so I couldn't even look for a place to live. It was like a vicious cycle... South Beach was expecting me to let them place me somewhere like a SRO or a residence...I ended up giving in and asking my ex for help...He let me stay with him for a couple months and then I subletted until I got my own place. That was awkward, but it was kind of him...

During my stay at South Beach, I met people who had been there for 7, 15, 21 years. One guy had shot and killed someone during a delusional period and he couldn't speak a word of English. He was Italian. One guy had been caught selling cocaine and he was Cuban. He always reminded everyone he had been there for 21 years as if that was his excuse for special treatment or for his sadness. He was like a bird in a cage, but one who might not make it on the outside because he's been caged so long. Another guy was Ethiopian and was waiting for his green card because he got it revoked when he hit someone over the head with a bottle. There was an 18 year old girl who was a cutter bulhemic who would swallow pennies and staples and ran away and was a prostitute in Florida making money she would use to get tattoos. Her sister and brother also got hospitalized. There was a crazy older Jewish lady who made nonsensical sentences and had volume control issues. There was a Vatos Locos member who was an out-of-control alcoholic. The reason he was there was he got into fistfights with the cops after he broke this guy's nose. .

Phew...Recently my Mom got involved in my life again and was coming to visit in January. I ended up at Beth Israel, a Jewish teaching hospital. Quite a different place. It was pleasant. I met people who were normal, just headsick. I met an older guy who grew up an orphan in orphanages and his only living relative, his brother got killed in '73...He'd been in homes and been to prison, but he made me cry in group when he was saying that he's been "following his brother into the grave ever since"...I relate to that. When Mike got killed, I lost something. Maybe it was hope...Anyways, I felt close to him. There was a young cocky, funny ad guy who had been doing coke and drinking...He had ADD so badly...He gave me boxing tips and we trained together...I wrote him notes all the time...He asked to read my journal...I also met a couple of Brooklyn painters, one an alcoholic older guy from the Kandinski era who grew up in Martha's Vineyard and the other a military brat whose sister and mom triggered him...

Beth Israel released me into a Partial Hospitalization program at Long Island College Hospital. Groups all day long, transportation to and from home provided. Five weeks.
My psychiatrist at LICH, in the initial interview said that the punishment didn't fit the crime when I talked about my prior experiences. He said that they've been banning certain kinds of art all the way to the Vatican throughout history. He said maybe I was ahead of my time.