Now I move into another stage of the treatment, Outpatient Services with some Abilify in my medicine cabinet, getting off risperadol for the first time in a few years because of the side effects...The groups at LICH did little for me except add a bit of routine...I didn't really relate to a lot of the people there, though I felt that I gained a bit of perspective from my therapist intern, Marv...Yeah, he said I gotta emphasize the positive and other ra-ra stuff like that...We talked about relationships. He told me I was making friends and I asked him his definition of friends...I told him I had a hard time for several years cleaning out my closets of "friends"...I am finally at a place in life that I feel free of old relationships and attachments to so many people and old times...I had been talking to my buddy Ed 'cuz he is an older actor and out of work a lot with a lot of the same problems and I relate to him...I was telling him that as a kid I thought life was writing a list of stuff you wanted to accomplish before you died and I would check things off on the list as I accomplished them, but since I graduated from college and jumped out of a plane, I do not think the checklist means anything without relationships. That's what's important. It's not about getting through all the hardships or breezing through life with no worries...It all boils down to the relationships you have when you look back on it all...
It's funny the little stresses that you have to deal with in everyday life...I've been in a Paypal dispute over an Ebay listing that was titled and listed incorrectly...She had only sent word of the change an hour before the listing ended on a 7-day listing. I was under the impression that I was paying for the item when she gave me a low price after the auction was over and I had retracted my bid...The seller took my money with S/H and that was it...I never got the item, turns out she charged me for the listing which was her mistake in the first place...Bluetooth and USB are not the same thing...Paypal ruled in my favor...What was that about? We were in an email war and I was tired of fighting with her, so Paypal took over for me...That was good...It's not about the money, it was about the feedback thing...
Anyways, LICH is over thankfully...they would show the same stress management video over and over in my last week due to a shortage in staff, I think, and I was a bit disturbed that they would show us "Radio". We colored in xeroxed coloring book drawings an awful lot, though I admit that the collage stuff, cutting stuff out of magazines was fun sometimes...Not to be disrespectful, but I am not mentally impaired, I just have a chemical imbalance...That's the thing about these kind of programs, the levels of illness are all different in different people...At my "graduation", one of the therapists said that people really did want to be around me and when I didn't show up, they would ask about me, that I took a leadership role in projects and stuff...My psychiatrist ruled out schizophrenia, and schizoaffective, and diagnosed me as bi-polar.
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