Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Essential Vaaapp and Hydrofarm products on tha Wish List
Saturday, December 11, 2010
A Year Later...December 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Rewrote this little poem rant about Tshirt...I had been confused about him because he only tried to show me his workface for a long long time
So confused for a while,
So many factors, and there is no transparency,
It's all wrong, and I have had to hide things for him, and I'm not hidden, I'm the one who knows too much,
I've also seen too much, heard too much.
For a while, I had seen only his "work face",
until seeping in between the cracks,
came his true character...
making his face evil...
He treats me as if I'm his secretary or Girl Friday,
He is the villain, "Super Baby Daddy" spreading his sperm indiscriminately in as many vaginal cavities as humanly possible...desperately trying to imprison the women,
who were cursed with him as their partner in parenthood...
keeping them in shackles and strings of bullying untruths...
and at first, from that tornado which had swept me up that was named Kai,
I was busy, lost in HIS lives,
looking for where my own life began...
and the eye of the storm keeps moving,
letting up at certain points,
enough to let me recognize,
that something was wrong with his intentions,
because they had been hidden...
I was in need of finding my own...
creating my own...
owning my own...
because he thinks so highly of himself,
without giving thought to anyone else, selfish;
to even his offspring,
it is never going to be enough for him to just manipulate
because he is not anything noble,
he is only high, a user of drugs, of people...the majority of the time,
so big in his own mind.
Kai is ridiculous,
expects that close attention be paid to him and his bitch fit rants,
his tantrums about his hierarchical philosophy on "commitment" and being a "professional" and the levels he has defined with the diarrhea of his mouth,
his endless tirades about being a part of the solution...
All of that "bird's eye viewpoint" bs,
as if he had some perception that wasn't warped by his
lack of integrity in everything...
He lies so much he believes all his yarns now...
He is a person who used his kids to keep me on his side for their sake.
He is a person who has a long list of people who end up almost shanking him after spending time with him...And I used to wonder why?!
Please save all your crap for another...
I am not tha one...
You thought I would be with you in the end?
That's what you told me that night before I never came back anymore...
But then again Kai, you also predicted very early, before we started living together, that it would end in disaster, and I couldn't understand why...Now I know it was because you must've always had ulterior motives in mind...and had known it then before revealing that to me...
With time comes clarity though...Your evil face is clear as day now...
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Working for Mom left me Homeless and Jobless...
The support and love from my friends and my new therapist has been incredible...Joelle says I've still got so much love in the Bay and I found out that was true...Joe AKA Ader especially has been so helpful...And also my buddies in NY...Shoutouts to Leslie, Fred and to Lisa H and Tomoko and Kev...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Just call me the Cleanup Woman...
REVISED 12/16/10 - I took a trip to St. Louis with Kai and his other baby mama and their kid. I stayed on in St. Louis to sightsee and check out Wash U. when they left and it was really sweet of Mandy his cousin to give me a place to crash with her husband Mike...Really great people. Mandy's bro AJ asked me what I thought of Kai. I told him I was on the fence at that time. I wasn't sure if he was a good guy with bad intentions or a bad guy with good intentions or just a bad guy with bad intentions...Now I'm sure he's a pretty bad guy so it doesn't matter his intentions...He had me fooled at first with his work face and it took me showing him in front of his longtime friend Tino that I would not put up with him abusing me or our living arrangement.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Back to it...
Anyways, have been pretty much on the health tip...Joined a gym and am enjoying it...I have to say that I'm getting settled back into the Bay...
REVISED 12/16/10 - Yeah, reading this old post gave me the epiphany that this really didn't sound like me at all...I was so confused about everything before...It's all a lot clearer now and none of this is right...
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Moving back to Cali...
I'll be missing New York for the trains, the DJ Skeme Richards nights, the graff shows, my doppelganger Steven, sweet Gus at Tom's Restaurant, Sal the Yemenese bodega guy, lunches with Joan, hanging out and dinners with Greg, my therapist and case worker, my kitchen...but I am looking forward to spending time with my Mom and my girls...and all the kids...
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Churches are off limits for bombing...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Phew...Finally, some alone time...
Dil was pretty wack to me, too...In the end, though I know it's because he felt he was waiting in the wings for so long, he was cheating on his girlfriend Denise with me by using language with me that was definitely not friendly, it was aggressive, and I didn't put it together until I realized that the only times he talked to me on the phone were when he was running errands outside of the house. I got annoyed with how he would get distracted when he was the one calling me and then I realized he couldn't call me because Denise didn't know we were "friends". I gave him an ultimatum, either he had to tell her the truth, that I was his friend, or I wouldn't talk to him anymore because he was putting me in the uncomfortable and unwanted position of being his other woman. Yuck! How creepy?! Anyways, I texted him not to call me until he could come correct to me, even after he apologized to me. I also realized how roundabout he is dealing with other people, too. He gave me Chino's email and asked me to write him for him and forward a pdf file to him. I thought that was strange, but I did it for him because I've always heard about Chino and thought I would introduce myself at the same time. Then they started hanging out and all Dil would do is drop his name and tell me everytime he called. I think he wanted to impress me. Honestly, his name dropping was really one of my pet peeves with him. Anyways, I had to apologize to Chino because he was getting bombarded by people he didn't know who wanted him to write him up in the mag or get a spot in his book and he said that to me at a show. Anyways, that was embarassing for me because I realized a while later that he didn't know me when I emailed him either. But it's all good because now I feel like I straightened it out, I apologized to him, and he's peoples because he was so gracious...I felt badly for him at shows because I knew that was what he was feeling when people just go up to him and try to get all in his face about the books because he's really doing something by publishing stuff and not a lot of people take the initiative.
Even though school is really tough for me right now, I am having a good time in the other part of my life. I love YNN!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thanks Mom...
A Lot of Love for my Family...
I don't know how to talk to other women in the scene. I don't know how to jock people. Sometimes I don't know how to do anything but fight. I know one thing though. I know how to spot a jealous groupie toy. Unfortunately, it's from being naive and trusting that everyone has a redeeming quality. That's a bunch of bs.
Okay, I know two things. I also know who my peoples are and I'm going to stick with them from now on...
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Friday, December 12, 2008
9,000 Year Old Milk Cartons?
From Discovermagazine.com Top 100 Stories of 2008 #84: 9,000-Year-Old Milk Cartons Found
A new study examines the world's oldest cattle ranchers. by Andrew Currypublished online December 8, 2008
Anthropologists have long believed that there was a protracted lag between when humans started domesticating cattle for food—about 9,000 years ago—and when they managed to harness the animals to plows and collect their milk. “It’s one thing to keep an animal in a corral and quite another thing to get near enough to milk it,” says University of Bristol chemist Richard Evershed. To get a fix on when the second stage occurred, Evershed pulverized tiny pieces of 2,200 pottery fragments from sites in the Near East to see if they contained traces of dairy fats.
His results, published in August in Nature [subscription required], hint not only that people made the dairy leap just as soon as they began domesticating herd animals, but that these early “ranchers” were even processing milk and storing it. The study may also help geneticists solve the mystery of where and when people evolved the ability to digest the milk sugar lactose.
To this day, most adults around the world can’t easily digest milk, but those who can may be the progeny of populations in the Near East and southeastern Europe, where Evershed finds the earliest evidence of stored milk. “It’s a very interesting study. Put the two maps on top of each other and you get a coherent pattern,” says geneticist Anders Götherström of Uppsala University in Sweden.
Friday, November 07, 2008
What's good for the goose...
Steamy Magazines Make Men Feel as Bad As Women
Senior Writer
LiveScience.com jeanna Bryner
senior Writer
livescience.com – 2 hrs 14 mins ago
Guys who check out the sexy female models in so-called lad magazines such as Maxim have more body-image problems than their pals, a new study finds.
While it is fairly well-known that women feel worse about their bodies after viewing other females in Cosmopolitan or Glamour, guys apparently take the same knock after perusing the lingerie-clad women spread across the pages of Maxim, FHM and Stuff.
The researchers say that by looking at idealized, sexualized women, guys feel less-than because they start thinking they need to measure up on the attractiveness scale to snag such a mate.
"Men make the inference that in order to be sexual and romantic with women of the similar caliber they see in Maxim magazine, they also need to be attractive," said lead researcher Jennifer Aubrey of the Department of Communications at the University of Missouri, Columbia.
The jury is still out on whether good-looking people snag others of their same physical caliber, however. In fact some research suggests women go for relatively less-attractive guys.
Nevertheless, Aubrey said lad magazines send the message that guys should be having lots of sex.
"So you have that in your head while you're looking at these magazines. If you want to get as much sex as possible with these types of women, then what's left but the feeling you need to look a certain way in order to do that," Aubrey told LiveScience.
Scourge of sexy women
Aubrey and her colleagues first looked at how guys reacted to magazines such as Maxim, FHM and Stuff, the pages of which are laden with scantily dressed and stylish gals along with articles written from an uber-male perspective about fashion, sex, technology and pop culture.
The researchers had 77 male university students answer questions about body self-consciousness and anxiety about appearance at the beginning of the study and one year later. They found that reading such magazines was related to more body self-consciousness. Statistics ruled out the possibility that guys who have body-image problems specifically sought out lad magazines.
"This was surprising because if you look at the cover of these magazines, they are mainly images of women," Aubrey said. "We wondered why magazines that were dominated by sexual images of women were having an effect on men's feelings about their own bodies."
In another study, Aubrey and her colleagues asked a group of 100 male undergraduate students to view one of these three types of images: layouts from issues of FHM, Maxim and Stuff showing a woman dressed in either lingerie or a bikini, along with a description of their appearances; layouts about male fashion showing well-dressed, fit guys; or magazine layouts that were "appearance-neutral" and so featured topics such as technology and film trivia.
The men who looked at the photo spreads of women reported more body self-consciousness than the other two groups. "Even more surprising was that the male fashion group reported the least amount of body self-consciousness among the three groups," Aubrey said.
Average Joe
To try and figure out why men get such a body-image knock from viewing images of beautiful women, the researchers ran a similar study with 143 male undergraduates. This time, the guys were divided into two groups, one viewing magazine spreads of sexually idealized females and the other viewing the same layouts with an average-looking boyfriend added to the photos next to the sexy woman, along with captions about how the female models are attracted to the average-looking men.
Men who looked at sexualized women reported being less likely to ask a woman out on a date or to interact with her. These men who were less romantically confident also were more self-conscious about their bodies.
Men who saw the average Joe pictures did report less body self-consciousness than men who saw images of just the sexy woman, but the finding wasn't statistically significant.
The research is detailed in the current issue of the journal Human Communication Research.




