Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Essential Vaaapp and Hydrofarm products on tha Wish List

Hey Santa, a friend at HopeNet let me try this company (Essential Vaaapp's) water pipe attachment piece and then Michelle got the portable vaporizer...They work really well...Maybe a bit too well...Also, if you are interested in a cheap solution to growing meds, then Bobby and I will be trying out a kit from Hydrofarm...This is an experiment...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Year Later...December 2010

Finally some good news...Back with a roof over my head again, internet access and cable tv, living with the love of my life...and I had to do it all like Sinatra, "My Way..." No thanks to family or Kai Kopp, former co-worker/former abuser roommate...Kai stalks me still accusing me of doing things like vandalizing his car (of course I had no idea what he was talking about, I've gotta life and I hadn't been thinking about him...he was nothing but someone with ulterior motives, nothing but a thief) but at the end of staying with him, he crazily had a hand in bothering me so much at work that I lost my job, he threatened violence at the end too, really went for the throat after trying to cockblock the guy I was seeing for the moment (Joe Weiberg was a good guy, but he had a teenage daughter and wasn't needing to be in a relationship with anyone, let alone someone so crazy and drama-filled...I didn't expect anything from him and he was honest with me, so I was only a little bit heartbroken when he just stopped talking to me when I went to jail later...) and then I was jobless and homeless all at the same time. A couple of people (Joe Weiberg and also Joseph Wright) helped me get some of my stuff to storage. I had to leave a lot of stuff at Kai's place (blender, Bose environmental speakers/Sony Stereo, $400 glass door bookcase with many things inside the shelves such as my photo album, cartooning equipment, markers, negatives of all the graff photos I've taken through the years, Lisa's blue suitcase, a sewing table with expandable arms to make either one or two desks and inside the sewing table drawers were years of writing, important paperwork like my college acceptance letter etc.) The day I brought my stuff that I could from Kai's to storage I was rushed into taking only 30 minutes to pack up everything...Joseph Wright was intimidated by Kai and made me leave the rest of the stuff there...(Before I left, I told Kai I'd be back to pick up my stuff and handed him the keys in good faith that he would let me have my stuff back and he has yet to give me back my stuff let alone admit that he kept all of it, he keeps saying that I took everything already, but has admitted recently via text message that I won't see any of the stuff unless Bobby stopped mouthing off to him...and then tried to say that I took stuff that was his?!! Come on...He don't know me very well if he thinks that because I'd NEVER keep anyone's stuff if I don't like them or don't want any strings attached...I'm quick to cut stuff and people off...real quick...). But I am thankful we've got somewhere to live now...The streets really took care of me...And even though I had to give up everything and lose everything and have nothing, I have everything I want because of Bobby, my own personal Yosemite Sam...I love you Mr. Turner - Mrs. Turner

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Rewrote this little poem rant about Tshirt...I had been confused about him because he only tried to show me his workface for a long long time

REVISED ENTRY: 12/24/10

So confused for a while,

So many factors, and there is no transparency,
It's all wrong, and I have had to hide things for him, and I'm not hidden, I'm the one who knows too much,
I've also seen too much, heard too much.
For a while, I had seen only his "work face",
until seeping in between the cracks,
came his true character...
making his face evil...

He treats me as if I'm his secretary or Girl Friday,
He is the villain, "Super Baby Daddy" spreading his sperm indiscriminately in as many vaginal cavities as humanly possible...desperately trying to imprison the women,
who were cursed with him as their partner in parenthood...
keeping them in shackles and strings of bullying untruths...

and at first, from that tornado which had swept me up that was named Kai,
I was busy, lost in HIS lives,
looking for where my own life began...
and the eye of the storm keeps moving,
letting up at certain points,
enough to let me recognize,
that something was wrong with his intentions,
because they had been hidden...
I was in need of finding my own...
creating my own...
owning my own...
because he thinks so highly of himself,
without giving thought to anyone else, selfish;
to even his offspring,
it is never going to be enough for him to just manipulate
because he is not anything noble,
he is only high, a user of drugs, of people...the majority of the time,
so big in his own mind.

Kai is ridiculous,
expects that close attention be paid to him and his bitch fit rants,
his tantrums about his hierarchical philosophy on "commitment" and being a "professional" and the levels he has defined with the diarrhea of his mouth,
his endless tirades about being a part of the solution...
All of that "bird's eye viewpoint" bs,
as if he had some perception that wasn't warped by his
lack of integrity in everything...
He lies so much he believes all his yarns now...
He is a person who used his kids to keep me on his side for their sake.
He is a person who has a long list of people who end up almost shanking him after spending time with him...And I used to wonder why?!

Please save all your crap for another...
I am not tha one...

You thought I would be with you in the end?
That's what you told me that night before I never came back anymore...

But then again Kai, you also predicted very early, before we started living together, that it would end in disaster, and I couldn't understand why...Now I know it was because you must've always had ulterior motives in mind...and had known it then before revealing that to me...

With time comes clarity though...Your evil face is clear as day now...

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Working for Mom left me Homeless and Jobless...

I can't believe the events of the last couple of months and here I am, with all my stuff in storage and having to find a job QUICK...It's a long story...I basically stood up for K because Mom towed the car he had worked on, the one the tenant who moved out gave him the key to and was going to sign a release of liability on after she offered it to a Mexican worker without even asking K about it...She fired K after they argued about the car and gave him 72 hours to vacate the premises...Then she told the new manager she hired Mike AKA "punk ass mofo" that he could break in with a paper clip after he bold faced lied about K moving all his stuff out...That is illegal...Then she asked me for his key and I wouldn't give it to her, so she said she was going to kick me out onto the street with nothing because she was going to rip up all my stuff...Anyways, I didn't mean to get in the middle, but empirically right is empirically right and I'm not a bullsh*t person...

The support and love from my friends and my new therapist has been incredible...Joelle says I've still got so much love in the Bay and I found out that was true...Joe AKA Ader especially has been so helpful...And also my buddies in NY...Shoutouts to Leslie, Fred and to Lisa H and Tomoko and Kev...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Just call me the Cleanup Woman...

So the only way I've decided it can be done is to get my hands dirty and my Mom doesn't want me to do such things as clean (there's that 50's divide where girls took home ec and boys took woodshop), but what she doesn't understand, what she doesn't see is that I'm not a girly girl and there is no reliable manpower (You can't trust anyone else to do the job sometimes except yourself)...

REVISED 12/16/10 - I took a trip to St. Louis with Kai and his other baby mama and their kid. I stayed on in St. Louis to sightsee and check out Wash U. when they left and it was really sweet of Mandy his cousin to give me a place to crash with her husband Mike...Really great people. Mandy's bro AJ asked me what I thought of Kai. I told him I was on the fence at that time. I wasn't sure if he was a good guy with bad intentions or a bad guy with good intentions or just a bad guy with bad intentions...Now I'm sure he's a pretty bad guy so it doesn't matter his intentions...He had me fooled at first with his work face and it took me showing him in front of his longtime friend Tino that I would not put up with him abusing me or our living arrangement.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Back to it...

Here I am in Cali driving and spending time with Mom and old and dear friends...I tried to telecommute from 360 Mediawatch my employer in LIC, but it was too time consuming and even though I only started this week, it has been a week of no sleep or sleep for only two hours at a time since I had only a space of night/early morning to get the work done and I also work during the day for Mom...I quit yesterday...Been pretty good though otherwise...Have decided to pursue my real estate license just because my Mom put it to me this way, it's just more knowledge that I would have...I'd been fighting it for years, but I'm finally giving in...

Anyways, have been pretty much on the health tip...Joined a gym and am enjoying it...I have to say that I'm getting settled back into the Bay...

REVISED 12/16/10 - Yeah, reading this old post gave me the epiphany that this really didn't sound like me at all...I was so confused about everything before...It's all a lot clearer now and none of this is right...

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Moving back to Cali...

Selling all my furniture and even my apartment and moving back to Cali...

I'll be missing New York for the trains, the DJ Skeme Richards nights, the graff shows, my doppelganger Steven, sweet Gus at Tom's Restaurant, Sal the Yemenese bodega guy, lunches with Joan, hanging out and dinners with Greg, my therapist and case worker, my kitchen...but I am looking forward to spending time with my Mom and my girls...and all the kids...

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Milk regrets some stuff...

Drunk B-Ball Players?

Milk says I'd dunk on you...

Churches are off limits for bombing...



Milk says Churches are off limits for bombing (painting tags)...Faith is important for people to develop compassion for one another, though the religion is unimportant as long as you do unto others as you would have them do unto you...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Phew...Finally, some alone time...

It's been a few months since I kicked A out...which has been super healthy for me...He is no good for me. He has been trying to get at me so much since then. I politely take his phone calls and just say I'm busy. Steven and I were talking about it. We both have these relationships where we're good friends to people, but other people have no idea how to be friends to us...I pride myself on being a good friend to people. That's one character trait I have if I have nothing else.

Dil was pretty wack to me, too...In the end, though I know it's because he felt he was waiting in the wings for so long, he was cheating on his girlfriend Denise with me by using language with me that was definitely not friendly, it was aggressive, and I didn't put it together until I realized that the only times he talked to me on the phone were when he was running errands outside of the house. I got annoyed with how he would get distracted when he was the one calling me and then I realized he couldn't call me because Denise didn't know we were "friends". I gave him an ultimatum, either he had to tell her the truth, that I was his friend, or I wouldn't talk to him anymore because he was putting me in the uncomfortable and unwanted position of being his other woman. Yuck! How creepy?! Anyways, I texted him not to call me until he could come correct to me, even after he apologized to me. I also realized how roundabout he is dealing with other people, too. He gave me Chino's email and asked me to write him for him and forward a pdf file to him. I thought that was strange, but I did it for him because I've always heard about Chino and thought I would introduce myself at the same time. Then they started hanging out and all Dil would do is drop his name and tell me everytime he called. I think he wanted to impress me. Honestly, his name dropping was really one of my pet peeves with him. Anyways, I had to apologize to Chino because he was getting bombarded by people he didn't know who wanted him to write him up in the mag or get a spot in his book and he said that to me at a show. Anyways, that was embarassing for me because I realized a while later that he didn't know me when I emailed him either. But it's all good because now I feel like I straightened it out, I apologized to him, and he's peoples because he was so gracious...I felt badly for him at shows because I knew that was what he was feeling when people just go up to him and try to get all in his face about the books because he's really doing something by publishing stuff and not a lot of people take the initiative.

Even though school is really tough for me right now, I am having a good time in the other part of my life. I love YNN!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Thanks Mom...

I love my Moms, and it's been a rocky road...I know we've had our differences, but I owe her thanks for being supportive of me...and giving me the space and strength to be a stronger person.

A Lot of Love for my Family...

It's not easy being a female sometimes...This is a confession for my peoples...

I don't know how to talk to other women in the scene. I don't know how to jock people. Sometimes I don't know how to do anything but fight. I know one thing though. I know how to spot a jealous groupie toy. Unfortunately, it's from being naive and trusting that everyone has a redeeming quality. That's a bunch of bs.

Okay, I know two things. I also know who my peoples are and I'm going to stick with them from now on...

Friday, December 12, 2008

9,000 Year Old Milk Cartons?

From Discovermagazine.com Top 100 Stories of 2008 #84: 9,000-Year-Old Milk Cartons Found

A new study examines the world's oldest cattle ranchers. by Andrew Curry

published online December 8, 2008

Anthropologists have long believed that there was a protracted lag between when humans started domesticating cattle for food—about 9,000 years ago—and when they managed to harness the animals to plows and collect their milk. “It’s one thing to keep an animal in a corral and quite another thing to get near enough to milk it,” says University of Bristol chemist Richard Evershed. To get a fix on when the second stage occurred, Evershed pulverized tiny pieces of 2,200 pottery fragments from sites in the Near East to see if they contained traces of dairy fats.

His results, published in August in Nature [subscription required], hint not only that people made the dairy leap just as soon as they began domesticating herd animals, but that these early “ranchers” were even processing milk and storing it. The study may also help geneticists solve the mystery of where and when people evolved the ability to digest the milk sugar lactose.

To this day, most adults around the world can’t easily digest milk, but those who can may be the progeny of populations in the Near East and southeastern Europe, where Evershed finds the earliest evidence of stored milk. “It’s a very interesting study. Put the two maps on top of each other and you get a coherent pattern,” says geneticist Anders Götherström of Uppsala University in Sweden.

Friday, November 07, 2008

What's good for the goose...

Steamy Magazines Make Men Feel as Bad As Women

Guys who check out the sexy female models in so-called lad magazines such as Maxim have more body-image problems than their pals, a new study finds.

While it is fairly well-known that women feel worse about their bodies after viewing other females in Cosmopolitan or Glamour, guys apparently take the same knock after perusing the lingerie-clad women spread across the pages of Maxim, FHM and Stuff.

The researchers say that by looking at idealized, sexualized women, guys feel less-than because they start thinking they need to measure up on the attractiveness scale to snag such a mate.

"Men make the inference that in order to be sexual and romantic with women of the similar caliber they see in Maxim magazine, they also need to be attractive," said lead researcher Jennifer Aubrey of the Department of Communications at the University of Missouri, Columbia.

The jury is still out on whether good-looking people snag others of their same physical caliber, however. In fact some research suggests women go for relatively less-attractive guys.

Nevertheless, Aubrey said lad magazines send the message that guys should be having lots of sex.

"So you have that in your head while you're looking at these magazines. If you want to get as much sex as possible with these types of women, then what's left but the feeling you need to look a certain way in order to do that," Aubrey told LiveScience.

Scourge of sexy women

Aubrey and her colleagues first looked at how guys reacted to magazines such as Maxim, FHM and Stuff, the pages of which are laden with scantily dressed and stylish gals along with articles written from an uber-male perspective about fashion, sex, technology and pop culture.

The researchers had 77 male university students answer questions about body self-consciousness and anxiety about appearance at the beginning of the study and one year later. They found that reading such magazines was related to more body self-consciousness. Statistics ruled out the possibility that guys who have body-image problems specifically sought out lad magazines.

"This was surprising because if you look at the cover of these magazines, they are mainly images of women," Aubrey said. "We wondered why magazines that were dominated by sexual images of women were having an effect on men's feelings about their own bodies."

In another study, Aubrey and her colleagues asked a group of 100 male undergraduate students to view one of these three types of images: layouts from issues of FHM, Maxim and Stuff showing a woman dressed in either lingerie or a bikini, along with a description of their appearances; layouts about male fashion showing well-dressed, fit guys; or magazine layouts that were "appearance-neutral" and so featured topics such as technology and film trivia.

The men who looked at the photo spreads of women reported more body self-consciousness than the other two groups. "Even more surprising was that the male fashion group reported the least amount of body self-consciousness among the three groups," Aubrey said.

Average Joe

To try and figure out why men get such a body-image knock from viewing images of beautiful women, the researchers ran a similar study with 143 male undergraduates. This time, the guys were divided into two groups, one viewing magazine spreads of sexually idealized females and the other viewing the same layouts with an average-looking boyfriend added to the photos next to the sexy woman, along with captions about how the female models are attracted to the average-looking men.

Men who looked at sexualized women reported being less likely to ask a woman out on a date or to interact with her. These men who were less romantically confident also were more self-conscious about their bodies.

Men who saw the average Joe pictures did report less body self-consciousness than men who saw images of just the sexy woman, but the finding wasn't statistically significant.

The research is detailed in the current issue of the journal Human Communication Research.

Monday, October 20, 2008

SUB-liminal SUB-WAY ADS...Milk's got beef...

How come Milk doesn't get billing like this?
Superior Drinkability?
Maybe this is why people need Impotence Counseling?
Milk just has beef with this ad because it's disgusting and why do you have to look at that?